how long o lord?

writing is usually therapeutic for me... hopefully this will bring some peace...

a few months ago, i witnessed two fatal accidents within two weeks of each other...the first was a jogger who, seemingly distracted by his iPod, ran into traffic was hit by an SUV going about 40mph...the second was a an SUV with a mother & her 3 young children inside who was hit by a car who ran a red light going 60mph...i thought it would be something i would be able to get over fairly quickly, but the incidents still haunt me every day...i spend my nights lamenting and asking God to take away the images, thoughts, anger and guilt...i ask over and over again "how long o lord?"...


how long o lord will my mind replay the jogger's body flying into the air before bouncing off of the concrete?

how long o lord will i see the shock & pain on the face of the woman who hit the jogger? how long will i feel guilty for not having the words to say to make her pain even a bit less?

how long o lord will i see the young mother's blood on my hands every time i look at them?

how long o lord will i be awakened by the sound and sight of those 3 children screaming and laying bloodied and broken in the back seat of the SUV?

how long o lord will i be haunted by the dying woman's pleas for help and knowing by the state of her mangled, bloodied body, that no amount of help would save her?

how long o lord will i feel guilty for not doing more than pray with her and hold her hand as she lay dying?

how long o lord will i feel guilty for being concerned with my own well-being while one family has lost a wife & mother, another a daughter, and yet another another a father & husband?

how long o lord will i feel angry toward the people in the 10-15 cars that drove by without stopping even though the cries of the women and children were piercing the air and their car & body parts were strewn across the road?

how long o lord?

i will be still lord...i will rest in you...i will allow you work in me...you are my peace...you are my hope...you are my strength...in you i put my trust...in you i will find comfort from my pain, guilt, and fear...lord be my comforter...be my rock...be my light in this darkness...release me from the guilt, fear, and anger that i feel...release me from all that keeps me from serving you with my whole heart, mind, and soul...